Thankful at Twelve

“I’m thankful that I don’t have your big sister.”

“Yeah, me too. She’s mean.”

“And ugly.”

“She’s not ugly!”

“You are right. She’s not ugly. She’s hideous.”

“You don’t even know what that means.”

“I do so. It means if I had a choice between looking at your sister and looking at barf – I choose the barf.”

“I can understand that, since you look at your barf face every morning in the mirror.”

Five twelve year old boy cousins, walking through the woods of an Oklahoma farm, 22s in hand, waiting for something to shoot at to pop up. It was Thanksgiving break and they all would be expected to have something to be thankful for at the big dinner later that day.

“I know, I’m thankful that Uncle Sid accidentally left his Playboy in the bathroom again.”

“Like you would even know what to do with a Playboy!”

“Would too!”

“Yeah, right.”

“Okay, I got dibbs on the standard ‘Thank you for this family.’”

“Mom says you have to come up with something new.”

“She ain’t my Mom.”

“Nope, but she is your Aunt and she can make you come up with something new.”

This caused a few minutes of silence as each boy decided how much power Aunt Betty could weld.

“Okay, I’m thankful that Jr. made it in the Chase this year.”

“I like that. But I don’t think Aunty Betty will like it. She is a Gordon fan.”

“Too damn bad.”

“Yeah, too bad on your butt, butt-face.”

“How about this? I’m thankful that Reverend Stone likes football and keeps his sermons short during football season.”

“Uncle Bill will like that.”

“That’s a keeper. Now we just need four more.”

“Hey, I got one. I’m thankful that the election is over so those stupid commercials don’t play anymore.”

“What election?”

“You moron.”

“Whatever. Okay, that’s two then.”

“How about, I’m thankful that when I got out of bed this morning, my feet went to the ground?”

“Where else would they go, dufus?”

“I’m thankful for gravity. It we didn’t have gravity, and I jumped out of bed, I’d end up in the closet instead of on the floor.”

“Yeah, like you have ever jumped out of bed.”

“I do on Christmas morning!”

“Oh, still a little baby excited about presents…”

“Darn right. Cause I still get good ones. Not like the crap you get.”

“Okay, gravity it is. That at least sounds good. We need two more.”

“I’m thankful that Johnny is too young to go hunting with us. He’s so klutzy, he’d shoot one of us for sure.”

“Nope, we can’t be mean.”

“At least not mean at the table, right?”

“Right.”

“I’m thankful for … Jesus. That’s always a good one.”

“Yeah, but the little kids always get to say that one.”

“Rats.”

“I’m thankful for the sun.”

“It has to be longer than that.”

“Okay… I’m thankful that the sun comes up each day, even if we don’t see it behind the clouds.”

“That’s a keeper. We just need one more.”

“I forgot the other three.”

“You are just plain stupid.”

“Yeah, I’m thankful you are so stupid, cause it makes me look smart.”

“I’m thankful for y’all.”

“Aw man, it sounds too faggy.”

“No really. I’m thankful I have cousins like y’all that I can go hunting with.”

“Aunt Betty will like that. That’s five. We are cool.”

“What would you say if we could say anything we wanted to.”

“I’d say I’m thankful that I’m not a girl.”

“I’d say I’m thankful that I got a family.”

“I’d say I’m thankful that I don’t have to worry about food or clothes or that stuff.”

“I’d say I’m thankful that when I wake up, I’m okay.”

“I’d say that I’m thankful that I’m here to be thankful for stuff.”

“I’d say..”

“Wait, you already answered.”

“I got one more. I’d say I’m thankful for beer commercials and cheerleaders.”

“Cheerleaders!!! You bet.”

“Maybe that’s what we should all say at the meal. We are all thankful for cheerleaders.”

“Yeah, Aunt Betty would love that!”

“Hey look, a hornet’s nest. Bet I can shoot it first.”

As twelve-year old boys do, they quickly shifted from deep thought to getting into trouble. They should have included they were thankful that they all were bad shots and never did hit the hornet’s nest.